Sakura's Morning Ritual
by Echeziel
Summary: Sakura is in the Akatsuki, and she needs her coffee. Proposed HidaSaku, surprise pairing at the end. Crackfic. Twoshot.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Give Akatsuki Sakura Her Coffee**

**Disclaimer:No, i dont own Naruto**

**Author's Note: Yes. this is a total crack fic, showing that in the morning, Sakura needs her coffee. And Zetsu fans, im sorry he's not in here, but i forgot him. so please R&R, even i you dont like it!**

* * *

"Good morning, Sakura-chan!" an orange masked boy greeted her as she walked into the dim hall.

"Good morning, Tobi" she replied tiredly. She didn't need to go through this in the morning. She walked along, with Tobi following, and walked straight into a wall of black, blue, and red.

"Mornin', Sakura? Feel like walking into walls today?" Kisame joked lamely. 'You can practically hear the crickets chirping' she thought.

"Sakura-chan, you ran into Kisame-san!" Tobi chirped.

"Tobi, tell me something I don't know next time, please" she sighed. Then she turned to Kisame.

"Move out of my god-damned way, or go to fucking hell" she said.

"Now, now, Sakura, watch your language"

"I SAID TO MOVE OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY, ASSHOLE!" Sakura screeched, and then punched fish-boy into the wall with a chakra-enhanced fist.

He coughed up a little blood, and said "Damn, Sakura. Why'd you have to hit that hard?"

"I need my coffee" she mumbled, then continued to the headquarters' kitchen, with Tobi still following loyally.

She walked into a room filled with people who weren't morning people. Deidara was asleep with his head resting on the table, drooling, while Sasori was sitting across from him, reading the week-old newspaper and sipping his black coffee, looking as fucking lazy and bored as always. Hidan was yelling in Kakuzu's ear that Jashin told him that Kakuzu wasn't supposed to wake him up at 6 in the morning; Kakuzu was ignoring him and was charging Pein for every bite of food he took, Itachi was sitting there, emotionless like always, with even more lines on his face than usual, and Konan decided to take it upon herself to kill the eggs with her glare, and simultaneously yelling at Hidan for yelling at Kakuzu for yelling at Pein. Kisame walked into the kitchen after Sakura, and dragged himself to the fridge to grab and ice pack for his chest, because of her punch. Then he started to whine to Itachi about how Sakura beat him up.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Sakura yelled, after a few moments. Everybody could see that she was pissed. So all chatter and movement stopped. Everyone in the Akatsuki knew Sakura was not happy when she was grumpy, needed her coffee, or was just woken up. And now all three were occurring at the same time.

She stumbled over to the coffee machine and made herself a large mug of black coffee. She sipped it, and life in the Akatsuki continued.

"So how is everyone this fine morning?" the pinkette asked pleasantly, trying to start a conversation. Everyone in the room just stared at her. After 6 months, no one in the Akatsuki could get used to her sudden mood swings due to the lack of something, usually coffee.

"Holy shit!" Hidan exclaimed.

"What is it, Hidan?" she asked.

"Jashin-sama just told me he wants you as a wife!" the Jashin worshipper replied.

Everyone in the room formed anime-like sweat drops on the back of their heads, with an expression that said 'WTF?!' except for Hidan, who said the odd thing, and Deidara, who was still asleep.

"Jashin-san and Sakura- chan are gonna get married! I want to plan it!" Tobi exclaimed happily.

Deidara chose that moment to wake up in a grumpy mood and do everyone a favor by choking Tobi.

**Authors note: let's just say that Deidara is very…violent…in the mornings. And no, Tobi doesnt die from being choked.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

"No, Hidan. I can't and won't marry either Jashin _or_ you" Sakura replied, somehow gently yet sharply.

Footsteps were heard in the hall, and Sakura (and everyone else in the room) looked towards the door, Sakura with an expression of relief, since explaining her reason would be HARD. Zetsu ran into the kitchen where everyone was currently located.

"Hi Zetsu-sempai!" Tobi exclaimed happily.

Zetsu ignored him, and screamed "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" He then ran _into _the door that led from the kitchen to the courtyard, leaving a Zetsu-shaped hole in it, complete with the Venus-fly-trap thing on top of his shoulders. Almost everyone in the room stared at the door with an expression saying 'WTF?!'

Well, except for Hidan, who was praying to Jashin to save Zetsu's crazy-ass soul, and Deidara, who was _still_ drool-sleeping on the table, despite everything going on.

Sakura covered up her expression, saying "What was that about?"

The answer came in the form of a giant burnt peanut-butter cookie, crashing through the doorframe leading to the kitchen, then out the second door, leaving a cookie-shape in the door. Well, to be accurate, it was actually half the wall. He was a BIG cookie.

Kakuzu's eyes lit up, and he ran after the cookie, getting his strings ready to capture it. Sakura heard him talking to himself about……eBay.

"But why not?" Hidan whined, causing everyone's attention to snap back to the previous conversation.

Sakura sighed deeply, and rubbed her temples, her coffee lying, long forgotten, on the counter.** (A/N**: NO WAY! EVERYONE! RUN! _She put it DOWN! Be afraid! Be very afraid!)_

"Okay. Hidan?" Sakura said.

"Huh?" he replied, surprised because of her change in demeanor.

"Do you see anybody sleeping in this room?" she asked.

The Jashin follower slowly looked around the room, and then spotted the drooling blonde. "Deidara? What does this have to do with him?" Hidan asked, confuzzled (don't ask).

"Everything" Sakura replied calmly. All the Akatsuki perked up, now totally attentive, especially Pein, since there was barely a thing going on in the Akatsuki hideout that he didn't know. Well, except for Deidara. Again. Because, as you know, he's _**still**_ sleeping.

"How is that, Sakura?" Itachi asked, voicing everyone else's thoughts.

"Well… Deidara…is…." She replied, leaving the answer _not there._

"Deidara is what?" Konan asked, trying to encourage the pinkette.

"Deidara is..." she said, drawing in a deep breath "My fiancé" she finished quickly.

"WHAT? TWO OF _MY_ MEMBERS ARE ENGAGED WITHOUT MY KNOWING _OR_ PERMISSION?" Pein yelled, flipping his lid.

Sakura nodded sheepishly.

And then….poor Deidara chose that moment to wake up from the sudden (not!) commotion.

"Huh? Wuz goin' on?" he asked, still half asleep.

He got the weirdest looks that anyone in the room could muster. Except for Pein. Who Konan was quickly trying to calm down, since his face was red with anger, and steam was coming out the top of his head.

Sakura pecked Deidara on the cheek, then 'poofed' out of the soon-to-be hell hole, leaving her fiance behind.


End file.
